Ego Isn't the Enemy

Stop trying to kill your ego. If you want to be a great leader, you need a strong one.

Matt Hunter • May 20, 2025

"Bring your egos in. If we’re going to win, we will need your egos. Just make sure they are all under the same umbrella." - Coach K, Legendary Duke Basketball Coach.

These days, the ego gets a bad rap.

We hear people say that “ego is the enemy,” that our sense of self is a barrier to our purpose and goals. We see high-performers chasing “ego death” through psychedelic or spiritual experiences, convinced that dissolving the self is the path to greatness.

But let me tell you: Your ego isn’t inherently bad. And it’s probably not deserving of your murderous impulses.

The truth is, our egos can either be our greatest ally or our worst enemy. Often, they’re both. What we should really be after isn’t the absence of an ego, but the presence of a strong, healthy one. The bigger your ambitions, the more important it is to have your ego working for you rather than against you.

The most successful leaders share a deep and unshakable belief in themselves—sometimes bordering on the delusional. We’re talking Kanye West-level confidence. They’ve got bold visions and total trust in their ability to bring them to life. This type of confidence is the first step in any truly ambitious endeavor.

So yes, almost every great leader has a big ego. How else would they think they could pull off something so audacious? There’s power in having deep conviction in your abilities—even if others think you’re crazy.

This is what separates the merely good from the great: a strong sense of self. The psychologist Frank Barron coined the term “ego strength,” describing a personality trait characterized by a strong sense of self, the ability to cope with challenges and stress, adaptability and a positive self-image. These are some of the most important leadership qualities across the board.

But most of us haven’t taken the time to cultivate a strong belief in ourselves. We shrink, we second-guess ourselves, and we limit our potential. I see aspiring leaders all the time struggling with confidence issues and Imposter Syndrome. They’re unsure of themselves and they hold themselves back as a result.

Beliefs drive behaviors, and most people are full of both self-limiting beliefs and self-defeating behaviors. These inner narratives often fuel self-critical emotions and negative self-talk, which can evaporate your confidence—and the advantage it gives you—in the blink of an eye. We need to replace those self-limiting beliefs with healthy and productive ones. The kind of belief that doesn’t waver, even when the world tells you you’re wrong. Because at the highest levels, self-belief is necessary. Let’s not be afraid to develop this kind of confidence because we’re scared to be perceived as having a “big ego.”

We need to learn how to leverage ego energy in productive ways. The link between confidence and achievement is undeniable—without it, even your best ideas can falter. But here’s the catch: the strongest confidence isn’t built on empty affirmations or wishful thinking. It’s earned. True self-confidence comes from doing the work—again and again—until your belief in yourself is grounded in reality.

This isn’t blind faith we’re talking about. It’s trust that’s built on experience. When you’ve shown up, put in the reps, and delivered results, confidence stops being something you need to manufacture. It becomes something you own. And when it’s real, that confidence propels you beyond comparison, fear of failure and self-doubt. It’s a navigational force that helps you steer yourself—and others—through uncertainty toward the fulfillment of your highest capabilities.

The first step of developing confidence is often visualizing the success we want. People like Steve Jobs, Estée Lauder and Oprah talk about visualizing success long before they actually had it. Lauder imagined herself running a business, selling her products, and building an empire—and then she did it. Visualization is powerful, but it’s only the first piece of a larger equation. The real key is following belief and vision with relentless action. It’s about proving to yourself, over and over, that you can rise to the challenge. Elite leaders don’t just hope things will work out—they operate with total certainty that they will.

In my upcoming book, the difference between a healthy and unhealthy ego—one that’s your ally and one that’s your enemy—is largely the difference between confidence and arrogance. Real confidence allows you to take tough feedback, admit when something isn’t working, and make adjustments—without taking it personally. Arrogance, on the other hand, refuses to adapt. Arrogance is not a reflection of a strong sense of self: it’s weakness and insecurity masquerading as self-belief. The strongest leaders have the ego to believe that their ideas are strong and that they can win, but the humility to course-correct when needed. Confidence, when it’s true and steady, invites relevant criticism without collapsing under it. It encourages your most optimistic self while fueling a disciplined commitment to growth.

Can you nurture a healthy, robust self-belief that propels you forward without tipping into the realms of arrogance? If so, then you know you’ve got a healthy ego.

The question isn’t whether you should believe in yourself—you must. The question is: Have you earned that belief? The best leaders trust themselves because they’ve put in the work, faced the fire, and come out stronger on the other side.