Embracing the Rhythm of Rupture and Repair

The real magic in any relationship—whether between partners, teammates, or co-founders—isn’t avoiding conflict. It’s knowing how to repair it.

Matt Hunter • December 2, 2025

Passionate debates, disagreements, and even heated arguments aren’t something to be avoided in your organization. They’re inevitable when people care deeply about the work. But what separates great teams and strong working relationships from dysfunctional ones is their ability to quickly come back together, clean things up, and move forward.

What’s critical is that conflict isn’t an ending point; it’s what initiates a process of reconnection and recalibration.

In couples therapy, this process is called “rupture and repair.” It’s the act of reconnecting after a rupture. In a business context, repair could look like a shared walk, a genuine conversation, a hug (with consent) or grabbing a drink together after a tough meeting. Other times, it requires more—like apologizing for crossing a line or directly asking, “Is there anything I need to clean up from that conversation?” It’s about checking in, making sure the emotional residue from the conflict isn’t lingering, and ensuring that both people feel seen, heard, and respected.

At work, rupture and repair is the practice of acknowledging inevitable relational friction that arises within teams, addressing it directly, and using it to strengthen trust rather than weaken it.

The “repair” step is crucial, especially after intense debates where “Disagree and Commit” is the goal. (Disagree and Commit is a decision-making practice, used by companies like Amazon, in which teams debate thoroughly to reach the strongest choice, then agree to fully support it regardless of their own individual preferences.) You want to become skilled at acknowledging friction and ruptures in as close to real time as possible, creating a space of openness to address the conflict (we recommend kicking off those conversations with the principles of Nonviolent Communication) and allowing both parties to express what needs to be expressed.

When repair happens consistently, teams build trust and resilience through conflict and confrontation. Without a repair process, small wounds can fester, leading to resentment and fractures in trust.

Repair also leads to better decisions and greater team cohesion in following those decisions. When repair is missing, Disagree and Commit is often harder for the ‘hurt’ party to go along with. But when repair becomes a habit, teams know they can argue passionately, commit fully, and still walk away stronger together—agreeing to work together towards a shared goal despite their differences.

Here’s how you repair well after an intense debate or conflict, kicking off the conversation with clear, direct and respectful language using Observations, statements of Feelings & Needs, and Requests.

Scenario: Two colleagues had an intense argument during a team meeting.

Script: "I want to check in after that meeting earlier today. I raised my voice and interrupted you a few times when we were debating the project timeline (Observation). I’m feeling concerned about how I showed up because I really value respectful dialogue, even when we are passionate (Feeling & Need). I’m wondering how that conversation landed for you. I want to make sure nothing is lingering between us (Request)."

Scenario: You said something personal during a heated debate.

Script: "I want to apologize for the comment I made during our debate yesterday when I called your abilities as a Product Manager into question (Observation). I’m feeling embarrassed and regretful because I value working relationships built on respect, and I know that I crossed a line (Feeling & Need). I want to own that and clean it up. Can we discuss this? (Request)"

Scenario: A colleague seemed visibly upset after an argument.

Script: "I noticed that you seemed upset after our conversation about the marketing strategy (Observation). I’m concerned because I really value our working relationship and want to make sure you feel heard (Feeling & Need). I’m wondering how you’re feeling about that conversation and if there’s anything I can do to help clean up what was discussed. (Request)"

Remember: The goal isn’t to avoid conflict in the workplace. It’s to embrace the rhythm of rupture and repair that builds trust and creates strong teams and partnerships.