Naming what you see is one of the most powerful acts of leadership
If you’re a leader, you can’t afford to keep your judgments to yourself. Here’s why.
Matt Hunter • October 7, 2025
We’re all guilty of silently judging others in the privacy of our own minds. In most interpersonal contexts, that’s not a behavior you want to indulge in too much. But in business, there’s real value to giving voice to your private judgments—and there’s a right way to do it.
In fact, the willingness to candidly name what you see is one of the most powerful acts of leadership.
Let me explain.
In my coaching practice, I frequently see leaders form silent opinions about their team (shared only in our coaching sessions, and never to the person in question). You know what I’m talking about: “Shane is lazy and slacks off all day,” or “I really didn’t like how Jane executed that project.” These judgments are kept tucked away. They end up festering and leading to quiet resentment and misunderstandings.
And sometimes, those judgments are correct! If you’re afraid to vocalize them, you’re missing growth opportunities and letting performance slide.
But just as often, those judgments are actually wrong or missing key context. By keeping them private, you’re denying the other person the chance to explain, clarify, or improve.
It’s important to realize that giving feedback isn’t just about helping others grow. It’s also about improving your own judgment. When you voice those private thoughts, you get the chance to find out if they’re accurate, or if you’ve been looking at things through a distorted lens. Maybe Shane isn’t slacking; he’s been quietly handling a family emergency. Maybe Jane thought she was following the brief exactly as asked, and the deliverables were unclear. Until you bring it forward, you’ll never know.
Fred Kofman, the economist and leadership philosopher, calls this ontological humility: the willingness to admit you don’t have all the answers and to embrace your own fallibility. Sharing your private judgments—especially the ones you’re scared to say out loud—is where the real growth happens. It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s also freeing. It means dropping the false sense of certainty and choosing to engage in real, honest dialogue. Doing so not only helps others improve but also makes you a better, more self-aware leader.
There’s a way to do this well, and a way to do it poorly. To start, it’s not about giving voice to your every passing thought with zero discernment. Instead, it’s about recognizing the nagging judgments that won’t let you go, and bringing them to light with openness and humility.
Don’t assume your interpretation is correct, and don’t state it as fact. Instead, approach the conversation with curiosity—as a dialogue. Ask about the nature of the problem before concluding you already understand it. You can do this simply by qualifying your thinking or ‘story’ about what’s going on.
Here’s what that might look like:
Scenario: Shane has been missing targets, and a judgment has formed.
Leader: "Shane, I noticed you’ve missed a few targets over the past two weeks (Observation). I’m a bit puzzled because I value consistency and want to ensure the team has the support they need to succeed (Feeling & Need). I’ve been wondering if you might be feeling disengaged or overwhelmed, but I’m aware that might not be accurate (Acknowledging Assumption). Could you help me understand what’s been going on? I’d like to support you in any way I can (Request)."
Scenario: Jane chose an unexpected approach for a critical project, and her manager thinks her execution was poor.
Leader: "Jane, when I saw you move forward with option B instead of option A (Observation), I was confused (Feeling) because I value clarity and alignment on key decisions (Need). I might be missing some context and want to better understand your thought process (Ontological Humility). Would you be open to walking me through how you arrived at that decision? (Request)"
You get the idea. Don’t let your judgments spin around in your head, draining your own energy and keeping both you and the other person from growing and improving. Speak up, get everyone into alignment, and keep moving forward.